To clarify: Regardless of what a few adolescents might think, employees do not get to choose who gets promoted. They don’t have to like it, but they must understand and accept the promotion decision. The job of adults in a team is to support the person who gets promoted and help the entire team be successful. Anything less than that is unacceptable behavior.
You worked alongside these people yesterday. Today, one of them reports to you.
That change in the relationship can create problems that have nothing to do with your ability to do the job. Someone who wanted the promotion may be disappointed that you received it. Someone who thought the position should have gone to them may have difficulty accepting the decision. Someone who was accustomed to being your equal may not immediately accept you as the person responsible for leading the team.
Most people eventually adjust. Some do not.
When they don’t, the behavior can become more than uncomfortable. They may question your decisions in front of other employees, provide employees with instructions that contradict yours, withhold information you need, criticize your decisions behind your back, or attempt to create the impression that you don’t know what you are doing.
If you find yourself in that situation, the first thing you need to understand is that you don’t actually have to prove that the person is jealous. You don’t even have to determine why they are behaving the way they are. You have to deal with the behavior.
That distinction matters.
It is very easy for a newly promoted leader to say, “He’s jealous because I got the promotion,” or “She’s trying to make me look bad because she wanted my job.” Maybe that is true. Maybe it isn’t. Either way, you are not in a position to manage another person’s feelings. You are in a position to manage the work, establish expectations, and lead the people who are now depending upon you.
Start by documenting what is happening
When you believe someone is deliberately undermining you, don’t rely on your memory and don’t build your case around your interpretation of the person’s motives. Document what actually happened.
If the employee contradicted a decision you made during a staff meeting, write down what was said, when it happened and who was present. If the employee instructed someone to ignore a direction you had given, document that. If information was deliberately withheld and that interfered with the work, document the circumstances. Keep relevant emails, messages and other records.
There is an important difference between writing, “John is jealous of me and is trying to undermine my authority,” and writing, “During the September 18 staff meeting, John told the team that they did not have to follow the procedure I had established on September 12.” Be behaviorally specific!
The first is an accusation about motivation. The second is an observable event.
Purposeful Adults deal with observable events.
Documentation isn’t about building a secret file on someone because you are angry with them. It gives you something objective to work with if the behavior continues, and it can also protect you from making an emotional judgment based upon one or two isolated incidents.
You may discover that what you thought was a pattern was actually a misunderstanding. If it really is a pattern, your documentation will help you address it appropriately.
Then call the behavior out
Once you have enough information to recognize a pattern, talk to the person.
I don’t mean confront them in front of the staff. I don’t mean telling them that everybody knows they are jealous. I don’t mean asking them why they can’t just accept the fact that you got the promotion.
Talk about the behavior.
If the person repeatedly contradicts you in front of employees, you might say, “I’ve noticed several occasions when you’ve challenged decisions I’ve made in front of the staff. I want you to come to me directly when you disagree with a decision. I am willing to discuss it, but once a decision has been made, I expect us to support it in front of the team.”
That is a very different conversation from, “You’re just jealous because I got the job.”
The first statement establishes a professional expectation. The second invites an argument about feelings and motives.
You don’t need to win an argument about whether the person is jealous. You need the behavior to stop.
Sometimes that conversation is all that is necessary. The person may have been testing the boundaries of the new relationship, or they may not have realized how their behavior was affecting the team. Once you address it directly, they may adjust.
But what happens if they don’t?
Ask a common supervisor to help mediate
If you and the coworker report to the same supervisor, there is another useful step before the situation becomes a full-blown organizational conflict: ask that supervisor to help mediate.
Again, the request should not be, “I need you to take my side.”
Instead, explain that you have attempted to address the situation directly and that the problem appears to be continuing. Tell the supervisor that you would like help establishing a workable professional relationship between the two of you.
That changes the nature of the conversation.
The supervisor doesn’t have to decide which person is the villain and which person is the victim. The supervisor can help clarify responsibilities, authority, communication expectations, and the standards that apply to both people.
You might say, “I’ve talked with him directly about the problem, but we’re still having difficulty. I don’t want this to become a personal conflict. I’d like your help in sitting down with both of us so we can establish how we are going to work together.”
That is a leadership response.
It also demonstrates something important about your own maturity. You are not running to the boss because somebody hurt your feelings. You are recognizing that an unresolved conflict is beginning to interfere with the work and are asking for assistance in resolving it.
Don’t retaliate
This may be the hardest part.
When someone is trying to undermine you, the temptation is to undermine them right back. You may begin excluding them from conversations, looking for their mistakes, criticizing their performance more harshly than you criticize anyone else’s, or quietly building your own group of supporters.
Don’t do it.
The fact that someone is behaving badly does not permit you to behave badly.
You have another advantage that you may not fully appreciate when you are in the middle of the situation. You are now the leader. People are watching how you respond.
If you become vindictive, they will see it. If you remain fair, consistent, and professional, they will see that too.
Leadership is often demonstrated most clearly when you have a legitimate reason to be angry and choose to act professionally anyway.
Don’t confuse disagreement with insubordination
There is another trap for newly promoted leaders. After becoming the supervisor, it can be tempting to interpret every disagreement as an attempt to undermine you.
That is a mistake.
Good employees will sometimes disagree with their leaders. They may see something you don’t see. They may have information you don’t have. They may believe a decision is going to create a problem.
You should want people to tell you those things.
The issue isn’t whether someone disagrees with you. The issue is what happens after the disagreement has been discussed and a decision has been made.
An employee who says, “I don’t think this is going to work, and here’s why,” may be demonstrating good judgment.
An employee who says, “I don’t agree with this decision, and I’m going to tell everyone they don’t have to follow it,” has created a different problem.
The first is disagreement. The second can become insubordination or interference with the work, depending upon the circumstances and the organization’s policies.
Your job as the leader is to know the difference.
Give the person an opportunity to recover
There is also something to be said for giving the other person a way back.
Perhaps they wanted the promotion. Perhaps they are embarrassed that they didn’t get it. Perhaps they need some time to adjust to the new organizational relationship.
You don’t have to humiliate them.
If they correct their behavior, let them correct it. Don’t continue treating them as the enemy because of what happened three months earlier.
The objective isn’t to punish someone for being disappointed. The objective is to have a productive team.
You can be firm about behavior without holding a grudge.
Know when the problem has become bigger than jealousy
There comes a point when this stops being a question about somebody’s feelings concerning your promotion.
If someone is deliberately sabotaging work, interfering with operations, spreading false information, refusing legitimate direction, harassing people, retaliating against employees, or engaging in other conduct that violates organizational policy, the issue needs to be addressed through the appropriate organizational process.
That is another reason documentation matters.
You don’t need to walk into your supervisor’s office and say, “I have a jealous coworker.”
You can walk in and say, “Here are the incidents I have documented. I addressed the behavior directly on this date. The behavior has continued, and it is now affecting the work of the team. I need your assistance in resolving it.”
That is a much stronger conversation.
Your promotion changed your position, not your character
Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that your promotion changed your position. It did not permit you to change your character.
You don’t need to prove that you deserved the promotion every day. You don’t need to win over the person who wanted your job. You don’t need to defeat them.
You need to lead.
That means establishing clear expectations, treating people fairly, addressing problems when they occur and accepting responsibility for the results of the team.
If someone is disappointed that you received the promotion, that is something they ultimately have to work through themselves.
If they turn that disappointment into behavior that interferes with your ability to lead, however, you have every right and responsibility to address it.
Document what happens. Talk to the person directly. Make the expectations clear. If the problem continues, invite your common supervisor into the conversation as a mediator. If the behavior becomes serious enough to warrant formal action, follow the organization’s established procedures.
You don’t have to make the person who wanted your job happy.
You do, however, have to give that person a fair opportunity to become a productive member of the team you now lead.
That is what leadership looks like when the promotion changes the relationship but doesn’t have to change who you are.
If you have a problem you’d like to discuss in a confidential, no-obligation Zoom visit, you can self-schedule it by clicking on this button:
Use this form to be notified about new articles as I publish them!
Author’s Note: The content provided in this article is designed exclusively for educational and informational purposes, reflecting opinions shaped by decades of leadership training and organizational consulting experience. It should never be interpreted as formal professional advice. By reading or engaging with this material, you acknowledge that no professional-client relationship is established and that these insights do not substitute for tailored guidance from a qualified professional familiar with your specific circumstances. Consequently, readers are strongly advised to seek independent counsel from licensed legal, financial, medical, or other appropriate advisors before implementing any strategies or making decisions based on these perspectives. Ultimately, you assume full personal responsibility for any actions you choose to take or omit as a result of reading this material, releasing the author and publisher from any liability for outcomes arising from your reliance on the text.
